Where do I start?
I hate you. I love you. You drive me crazy, but not always in a good way. Take today for example, it took me eight hours, eight hours to fix a scene today. In revision time, eight hours feels like three whole days without sleep or food to my brain so in theory you almost killed me. I have had no experience with a newborn – or pet – to be adequately prepared for such a thing so that was plain mean. I would understand if the scene was say, very long, or very broken, but it was neither of those things. It was a fresh rewrite with limitless shiny possibilities in a new world I could not wait to explore – a world you could not wait to have written in so you don’t look pathetic. I understand that a blank page presents its own challenges Revision, but don’t you think NOW is a bit too late to tell me over 150 hours of research, planning and dissecting was not enough to get me though this rewrite? Really? Can’t YOU read the information clearly stated on my index cards and just write it says? No you cannot. Sometimes I wonder if you even graduated kindergarten, you clearly never learnt to read in the first place. Maybe I’ll finger paint my outline next time.
You. Like. To. Drive. Me. CRAZY! Don’t you?
In fact, for a solid five hours today I think I thought I was a saucepan, one I planned on hitting over my head. If that doesn’t make me sound like a crazy person I don’t know what does! You know Revision, I TOOK BREAKS. I actually took breaks today and I cleaned my room and writing space and even snacked healthily. Unless you count those cream puffs I found, but my muse (yes I’m bringing my muse into this now) told me it contained strong traces of protein so I feel no guilt whatsoever for that!
Now where was I…
That’s right I remember now – I hate you. Today I truly hated you.
But somehow in the last 20minutes of this revising ordeal you transformed the piece of crap you called a scene into something worth having. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but couldn’t this epiphany happen like say… yesterday? I was so calm and relatively normal before all this. Don’t you want a calm and level-headed writer who actually knows she’s a human being and not a kitchen appliance to polish the story of your dreams?
I guess this is the path of a creative person… something I hope to deal with better over time. Until then I shall question my sanity every single day and experience an ongoing identity crisis.
That is all Revision. In fact I already feel better for lashing out at you.
Now muse…I have a few words to say to you too.
– Crazy Person