Winter

Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens

– Frank Herbert

My office is icy cold, littered with endless cups of tea – some finished, many forgotten.  There is also a part of me that senses I am never truly alone when locked away in here. My creating space has been neglected for most of the year, gradually accumulating unpacked boxes and forgotten memories. I peak in and my eyes zero straight to my desk and I feel the first tingle of anticipation and excitement.  A weight lifts off my shoulder and for the first time in a long time I feel like I can breathe.  I feel the magic that lures me to this cave year after year ever since I was sixteen. Although the cave has changed throughout the years, my instinct to return is in my blood. The compulsion to write never leaves me for long and for that I am very grateful.

Winter is all about pretty and not-so-pretty creatures fighting to break out of my mind and onto the page. The morning frost, fog and endless rain stir something within me. My muse finally emerges from the shadows and leans against a wall with an eyebrow raised.

He always stands in the empty space to my left – the place I sense unseen eyes constantly watching me. The creative part of myself – my muse – terrifies me.

Always.

This year has been an unpredictable journey and I admit I have been a little shy and hesitant to step into my world. I have ventured forth on many occasions and hastily retreated. The jarring sensation when entering an abandoned world is what I imagine falling into a frozen lake would feel like. My brain hurt. I couldn’t breathe. I was convinced I was going to drown.

A big part of me worried I left my revision dormant for too long and that I could never undo the damage. But looking at my desk from the safety of my doorway, everything is beginning to feel familiar once again.

The feel of the air, the icy room of neglect and lack of warmth feels inviting.

I thrive here.

I am scared here.

My element has arrived.

Love and light,

xx

Thirteen

I love the year 2013.

It occurred to me recently half the year is already gone and I have to admit, this terrifies me. I love 2013 to pieces and I don’t want it to end.  I have never loved life or travelled so much in such a short space of time. Despite the year being nowhere near over, 2013 already evokes so many nostalgic memories.  It is gut-wrenching to feel these memories detach further and further away from the present with every passing day because I have loved every moment to death.

2013 is…

The year I got married.

Fell deeper in love.

Watched my puppy grow into a bigger, more loveable darling.

Cut negative influences out of my life.

Had no idea what I am doing with my life career wise.

Took a risk and become my own boss.

Felt closer to the dreams I have been chasing.

Experienced great frustration by the progress of my creative goals.

Felt confused about my love for acting and the role I want it to play in my life.

Neglected my blog.

Made new friends.

Shared my WIP with fellow writers I haven’t met yet.

The year I feel complete.

Every single moment of 2013 is filled with immense gratitude. However, there is a morbid part of me that looks into the future, to a time when I don’t have the people I love so much in life with me,  and wonder…can I handle the fact I will never be able to live the moments of 2013 all over again?

Everyday moments are precious. It is always good to take a step back and reflect on the incredible things you do have in your life.

What are some moments people are grateful for today?

Love and light,

Anushka xx

Revising on the Road

Leah Johnson Photography

Leah Johnson Photography

 

The exquisite Devin Berglund was kind enough to host my gypsy self on her blog. If you’ve been wondering where this creature has disappeared to…again….check out the link below!

Revising on the Road

Love and light,

Anushka xx